How Do You Solve A Problem Like Newsweek?

Hey, with newsstand and subscription sales plummeting for the last eight years (at least), it only seems logical that Newsweek would resort to stealing a photo of Sarah Palin from Runner's World magazine in an attempt to bump up sales. She is, afterall, the epitome of your average American Super Megastar.

Though it is a very attractive photograph of the former GOP VP candidate, it obviously is not appropriate for a so-called news publication's cover. That point cannot be argued. If Speaker of the House Nancy Lugosi had been asked to pose for Runner's World, would...nevermindnevermindnevermind...

Newsweak is little more than a pamphlet nowadays; I assume they will go all black and white soon just to keep the lights on.

No One, or only A Few Loser Nobodies anyway, reads - or subscribes to - Newsweak anymore.

Author/Editor/Sexist Evan Thomas, obviously a deranged misogynist, hates strong, self-made women like Governor Palin. His disdain for pro-life, pro-Second Amendment, anti-big-government feminine women helps feed Newsweak's biased "content."

He sure idolizes feckless, inexperienced, Alinsky-educated U.S. Presidents though, ala his declaration that Obama is "sort of God" in June, 2009. A "god" of little substance or accomplishment I would add.

Somehow Mr. Thomas is threatened by women who posess strong moral convictions like Margaret Thatcher, Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin. He would probably feel more comfortable doing shots with Mollie Ivans, Rachel Maddow or Wanda Sykes.

Julie Andrews' character, Maria, in The Sound of Music shares several attributes with Mrs. Palin: religous faith, strong family values, tenacity, grit, endurance, perseverance, humility, a love of children and of mankind. Mr. Thomas obviously feels these are qualities to be repudiated. How else to explain the incredulity of the question posed on the magazine's November 23 cover?
And the sub-head? "She's bad news for the GOP -- and for everybody else, too."

Not "Why she is..." rather, "She is..."

How objective of you, Evan.

My guess is that Sarah Palin has pre-sold more copies of Going Rogue than Newsweak will sell of their rag all year. (This, of course, does not include the copies they give away to urologists' offices.)



"I especially love moose and caribou. I always remind people...that there's plenty of room for all Alaska's animals - right next to the mashed potatoes."
-Sarah Palin in Going Rogue

Confidential To That Idiot Rachel Maddow

Preamble to the U.S. Constitution:

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Confession Time: I tried to copy and paste this from several websites only to learn Blogspot apparently doesn't allow it. Determined to get this posted, and not having the Preamble committed to memory, I typed it - phrase by phrase - into the "New Post" box-thing.

To my delight, I became absolutely captivated by the simplicity and brilliance of this single paragraph, by each sentence.

And Rachel Maddow is still an idiot. A free idiot, but still an idiot. She and BSNBC deserve each other.

DG

My Emily Litella Moment

Hey, turns out Glen Beck has something in common with House Majority Weasel Harry Reid. Most people won't know about it until Hairy is defeated in November, 2010, though.

Why? Because that's when it will be fashionable to bash Mormons again.

Sure, Mitt Romney took a few punches during the last prezzie race because of his Mormonism, but for the most part, the MSM had to keep the Oh-My-Joseph-Smith-He's-A-Mormon! hyperbole at a dull hum, given one of their (LMAO), "big guns" was also "infected."

Well, after Hairy's tenure as HMW is summarily cancelled by the good people of Nevada next year, all the creepy talking heads will descend on the FOX News Network and Glen Beck with a fresh round of hate and intolerance disguised as "investigative reporting," or an "Inside Look."

"Some in the close-knit Utah valley community are beginning to talk...here are their unbelievable stories..."

Just be prepared.

Don't be like me, thinking all this time that Keith and Rachel and Chris and Larry and Ed over at BSNBC have been referring to Beck as a Moron.

Nevermind.

Obama Approves 40,000 Troops

Hey, Bamster's Director of Communications, Anita Dunn, announced this afternoon that the Administration has approved 40,000 U.S. Army troops for immediate deployment to the Fox News campus in Manhattan.

The announcement was made without fanfare and it is widely believed B.O.'s base will embrace the initiative.

Fox News, when contacted for comment and reaction, burst out laughing.

Nobel Schmobel!

Hey, the question now becomes, "Will The Bamster accept the nobel peace prize?" (I know, I know, I just don't believe it deserves the energy it requires to push the shift button to make capital letters...I'm in a bit of a mood anyway).

Shift Button
Capital Letters

CCCCCCCC
LLLLLLLL

He said himself that he doesn't deserve this "prize."

Eleanor Holmes Norton said it was awarded "in anticipation" of his future good deeds.

Any measure of the nobel committee's credibility still in existence after the prize was awarded to Al Gore, vanished this morning.

I mean, how can a man-child who is the Commander in Chief of an army that is actively engaged in a brutal war be awarded any kind of peace prize?

What was his reaction to the slaughter (by their theocratic government), of countless Iranian citizens protesting what was widely acknowledged to be a fixed national election? A big fat yawn, that's what. Then, after more than a week of deafening silence on the unavoidable world-wide coverage of the carnage, 'That One' read mild condemnations from his teleprompter and then went out for 18 holes.

That, in itself, should be a disqualifier.

The real reason big o (No Caps Here, Either!), won is because of the glee elite leftist Europeans feel when they see a feckless, profligate American boy president apologize and bash his own country in foriegn lands near and far, often and loudly.

Add to his Citizen of the World resume his admiration of Hugo Chavez and Fidel & Raoul Castro; sprinkle in his State Department's Honduras policy and I guess you have a perfect potion for what I dub The Appeasement - with a capital 'A' - Prize winner.

There was this boy in my class all through grade school who was perceived to be perfect in everything that he undertook. He was a good looking kid and if he were to read this, he would know I was writing about him.

In order to protect his identity, I will refer to him here as "Stinky Shorts."

Stinky Shorts came from a good family with loving parents who provided well for Stinky Shorts and his two older sisters, Palomino-Faced-Girl and She Who Married a Scary Pervert.

Stinky Shorts dressed nicely and played sports well.

Since he was so loved and fawned over by our teachers, I despised him. Because I was the son of a teacher's aide and adorable in my own calculating way, I could never outwardly express my disdain for Stinky Shorts.

Instead, I had to pretend to embrace him and grant him "friend" status.

In fourth grade, our annual Science Fair took place during a particularly creative time for me. I had written, directed and played a role in a play, the name of which I forgot decades ago.

My partner was a boy who I will refer to here as "He Who I had a Boyhood Crush On."

He Who I Had a Boyhood Crush On and I spent an entire Saturday on his farm collecting and assembling moss, pebbles, rotting wood chunks, small ferns and plastic dinosaurs into a prehistoric-looking vignette staged on a large piece of warped plywood. We were so proud and ready to collect our blue ribbons on Monday morning.

It was quite a job getting that installation into the classroom; there was nothing by our peers to compare to it and He Who I Had a Boyhood Crush On and I were beaming.

Mrs. Marshall, our teacher, was thrilled with our effort and presentation; Her smile afforded me great satisfaction.

And then Stinky Shorts came in late carrying a wobbly Solar System Mobile. I remember seeing paper clips.

You would have thought Queen Elizabeth had suddenly appeared from behind a royal purple velvet curtain with gold piping.

Mrs. Marshall nearly collapsed at the site of Stinky Shorts' creation and her enthusiasm left He Who I Had a Boyhood Crush On, myself and our classmates in a cloud of dust, so she could pay tribute to Stinky Shorts' bended hangers and badly painted Styrofoam balls.

I think you know where this is going.

Stinky Shorts got the Blue Ribbon and He Who I Had a Boyhood Crush On and I were humiliated by his Machievellian approach to accepting it: "I won? Really? Again?"

Well, not so fast.

A few weeks later Stinky Shorts was smelling kind of crappy, so to speak. I immediately deduced that he had either soiled himself badly or didn't floss that day. I felt tremendous schadenfreude at the thought of this abject weakness but never did learn the source of the odor, hind or palate.

It just smelled gross to me but made me smile.

So, back to the original question: Will barry accept the prize?

Yes, of course he will - you kidding me? - and the White House has already announced that he will.

I just hope he craps himself or forgets to floss.

Colossal Failure

Hey, looks like Barry's buddies in South Chi-town are gonna have to find alternative buyers for their caving-in fire traps.

Yep, Brokko Bama couldn't bring home the gold from Copenhagen.

All that opportunity for fresh corruption gone - poof! - in Round One.

I wonder if Chairman Obama had a presidential-sized tantrum on the trip back?

He and his administration now appear more feckless than ever and should ObamaCare crash and burn as well, he will be an Olympic-sized failure.

At least we will be spared having to witness the new sport the Obamas were prepared to introduce at the 2016 games: America Bashing. And he and his acquaintances (e.g. Wright, Ayers, Dorn, Jones...), have been training so hard!

But let's look at a sampling of his achievements:
-Sent $60 million overseas to fund abortions in developing nations;
-Required American soldiers on the battlefield to Mirandize enemy combatants;
-Authorized closing of Gitmo;
-Cut off funding for school voucher program for DC school children;
-Enrolled his two daughters in Sidwell Friends Private school in DC;
-Appeared on Letterman (who has sexual intercourse with his co-workers);
-Ate a hamburger in Arlington with Biden.
-Ignored the worsening situation in Afghanistan.

All the while continuing to search tirelessly for a place of worship in Washington.

That's a lot for a man-child to accomplish in nine months, so lay off!

Congratulations to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janero.

Correction

Hey, my mistake...Big Britches and his old lady are flying seperately to Denmark. She is there now and he is wasting his own fuel and resources on Friday.

Sorry about that.

My, What a Huge Carbon Footprint You Have, Mr. President!

Hey, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Big O just deliver an address on Climate Change (man-made, of course - primarily by filthy, selfish Americans), at the oh-so-very-pro-American U.N. last week?

And now I hear he will be Air Force One-ing off to Copenhagen this Friday (he will be on the ground for 3 hours, then return), to speak - Yes! A Fresh Speech! - to the I.O.C. on behalf of Chicagoland in their bid for the 2016 Olympics.

Yes, President Meglomaniac will blow another opportunity to speak of American Exceptionalism, no doubt. How will he criticize this nation while pleading his adopted hometown's merits for a huge event such as the Olympics?

If he doesn't say something bad and derogatory - he always does - won't that make him a fibber, at least by his own standards?

To me, that is beside the point; We already know what to expect from his speeches. (For one thing, that puffed up chin thing is getting really old).

The real tragedy of this trip is the sheer waste: of time, of fuel, of resources on the ground. All to sell a city that is phenomenally corrupt in large measure because of the man flying to Denmark to do the selling.

"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," President Wasteful said in 2008 on the campaign trail.

*****Side Note: Last winter it was widely reported that the thermostat in the Oval Office - under Obama - was being kept on 80 degrees*****

"That's not leadership, that's not going to happen," he promised.

Just words? Just speeches?

What a jackass.

And the First Jackass-ette limoed a few blocks from the White House last week to attend a farm market downtown, increasing her own already massive carbon footprint.

Of course, she's in tow on this Copenhagen Quickie as well.

And there was date night in New York City; an AF1 photo op over NYC a few months ago that Dear One had to have authorized (then played dumb when it became a scandal).

What an exemplary Public Servant He turned out to be.

What a jackass.

A-CORNY

www.defendhannah.com

Hey, Bertha:

Sue them. We dare you.

No He Didn't!

Hey, a quick shout out and thank you to the Obama administration for extending three key provisions of the loathesome Patriot Act which Dear Leader, during the campaign, vowed to abandon due to their unconstitutionality (among other reasons).

Oops.

These provisions, set to expire in December, give the U.S. government broad powers to monitor - in seemingly unconventional ways - "suspicious characters" and potential "evil-doers."

My sources tell me that Bill Maher is having a few extra guests on this evening who will bitterly and abjectly criticize the Prezzy's decision: Janine Garofalo, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Ed Asner, Sean Penn, Mike Farrell, Jon Stewart, Chris Matthews, Keith Maddow, Rachel Olbermann, David Letterman, Barbra Streisand, Brad Pitt, Joy Behar, Barbara Walters, Jimmy Carter, Cindy Sheehan, Sam Donaldson, George Stephanopoulos, Anderson Cooper, Bill Press, Alan Colmes, Stephanie Miller, Ed Schultz, Bill Clinton, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, George Soros, Katie Couric, Charles Gibson, Brian Williams, Tom Brokaw, David Gergen, Paul Begala, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, George Clooney and Dan Rather.

And that's just in the first segment.

Set your Tivo's...it's gonna be a long night.

Kanye West Doesn't Care About White People

Hey, what else am I to deduce given his bizarre behavior at the MTV Video Awards 2009 held in New York City last night?

After uttering barely two sentences of her acceptance speech, Country artist Taylor Swift was accosted by Kanye West who snatched the microphone out of her delicate hands to rant - though briefly - about how Beyonce (up for the same award, sitting near the front of the auditorium), had one of the best videos of all time.

West told Swift, "I'm gonna let you finish..." after he grabbed the mike.

Excuse me? He's going to let her finish?

This is the same A**hole who, after Hurricane Katrina nearly leveled the entire Gulf Coast, told an audience that "George Bush doesn't care about black people!"

(Remembering that New Orleans, at the time, was a city with a democrat mayor in a state with a democrat governor.)

I'm sure there are other misbehaviors by this piece of garbage, but I don't need to hear about them or report them hear.

I understand that West may have been drinking alcohol at the time and that he later apologized to Taylor. Neither matters to me. (To tell you the truth, I was already pretty nauseated by the opening remarks by the emcee, some obnoxious Brit I've never heard of, and who appeared to be a no-talent hack, so it was time for me to go to bed shortly after West's stunt).

Later last night, in a very classy move, Beyonce, after winning Best Video of the year, invited Taylor back on stage to finish her thank-you's. You go, girl!

In an unrelated outburst earlier in the weekend, Serena Williams told a line judge at the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament (also in New York City), that if she could, she would shove "this f***ing tennis ball down your f***ing throat!"

In the video, the line judge - a female - appears to be of Asian descent.

The foot fault call was made on Serena's second serve, giving her opponent, Belgian Kim Clijsters a match point opportunity. After some discussion by the Chair Umpire and Tournament Director, Serena was issued a penalty point giving the match - and advancement to the Women's Final - to Clijsters.

She would go on to win the tournament.

Williams apologized - twice - and was fined $10,000.


I suggest Kanye and Serena go on a date together...to an anger-management meeting.

NY Times Reports 500 attend DC Tea Party

Hey, that was the joke anyway by one of the speakers after an announcement was made that ABC Snooze was projecting 2 million attendees at the Rally today.

Park Police estimated the crowd at 1.2 mil.

I think not.

There were 170 million people there...in spirit anyway.

My guess is that the angry mob numbered somewhere between 200 - 300 thousand gun-nuts, racists, religious fanatics, homophobes and wife-beater-wearing rednecks.

And I loved every minute of it.*

I sort of slept late, so had to scramble to get out of here with waning hopes of catching the tail end of the march which was scheduled to begin at 11:30 at Freedom Plaza across the street from the Reagan Building.

I was tooling down West Ox in the S2000 when I realized I'd forgotten my pitchfork, so that was another delay in getting to the Metro.

Speaking of which, Metro had NO clue what was coming today. They were one-tracking between East Falls Church and Ballston...ALL DAY. Coming and going, they were doing repairs.

The train was packed with locals and patriots from all over. I stood in line with some New Yorkers who'd been on a bus since 4 a.m.

I didn't get to join the back end of the march because, as it turns out, that mob had to start moving forward at 10:10 instead of 11:30; there were too many people and the crush of it all was like a human-powered glacier on Pennsylvania Avenue.

I walked the several blocks from Federal Triangle to the Reflecting Pool and West Lawn of the Capitol. I was in good company and spoke to many like-minded folks along the way.

The Protester's signs were very clever:
Obama is Jimmy Carter on Steroids
Communism Has Only Killed 100 million People...Let's Give it Another Try
Abortion Is Not Health Care
Joe Wilson 2012
Bend Over...Here Comes the Change
Read My Teleprompter...Stop the Spending
Don't Barney Frank Me (Use your imagination for that graphic)

I was wearing my Welcome Back Carter (likeness of Dear One on the front) tee shirt and was stopped several times for a photo op.

This was a friendly and enthusiastic crowd of angry mobsters. I met people from all over...Kansas, Florida, New York, Pennsylvania...and some of them told me they had met Tea Partiers from Alaska and Hawaii.

I covered a lot of ground, snapping candid photos and stopping along the way to listen to the speakers or chat with a new friend.

Two highlights of the day:

There was literally no litter. I recall being at Big O's Innaguration and the ground was blanketed with trash (I notice these things, sorry). I also remember the aftermath of last year's DNC convention when thousands of American flags were found stuffed in trash bags in the back alley. Not so with the Tea Partiers. These people naturally don't have the ability to throw crap on the ground...amazing.

Secondly, there was a huge contingency of young people. I mean enthusiastic, energetic, clean, bright and articulate young people. I started to feel a glimmer of hope that there might be some change coming.

I don't have anything clever to close with other than to say what an amazing day this was. I was very proud to be among tens of thousands of friends I never knew I had. I hope we can do this again sometime soon.


*Metro sucked, coming and going, but I will resist the opportunity to bash them here.

9/11

Hey, I think it would have been instructive to show video footage of the mayhem and carnage that took place in DC, New York and south eastern Pennsylvania eight years ago today to our school children. No, not to first graders, 2nd, 3rd, fourth graders, but kids in fifth grade and older.

I mean, Chairman Mao-bama was allowed/encouraged to address the little tykes with a message that had to be tempered and re-written pre-delivery because of its strong language akin to indoctrination and hypnosis.

(BTW, if the corrected address was so inocuous - so says everyone on the left - then why even bother delivering it?)

I have seen some excellent 9/11 documentaries - most seemingly unbiased - that would be appropriate for young adults. I mean, come on...most young people can't wait for the next horror/slasher movie to come 'round. I was a huge fan of everyone of them (Halloween, Friday the 13th, 'Salem's Lot, Carrie, The Shining...), and look at me. I'm norm---

Ahem.

My point is that, though multiple graphic shots of jets exploding inside the towers, people running away in sudden, unexpected terror and doomed souls jumping from windows mere hours after waking is quite disturbing and upsetting, it is also important to not forget what that day meant to our country and countrymen.

It's now a history lesson for the ages.

I remember precisely where I was and what I was doing on September 11, 2001 when the attacks began. Ironically, I was driving past Dulles Airport listening to talk radio on my way to work.

The first reports were vague at best and my office manager called to see if I'd heard the news. I was minutes from the office and needless to say, within an hour of arriving there, our crews were on their way in and I was headed for home. We all went home to our TV's to watch the terrible attack and it's aftermath unfold.

It's hard to imagine that a senior in high school - much less an 11th, 10th, 9th and so-on-grader - has much of the same recollection. To read or listen to a lecture about September 11, 2001 is one thing; to remember experiencing the fear and uncertainty is another.

I believe the video - as graphic as it is - can be a teachable moment for our young people.

And it needs to be shown once a year on this day in America's classrooms. Of course, parents need to be educating their children about the significance of this day as well.

May God bless this country, her defenders and all the innocents who perished on that terrible day.

* * * * *

I will be attending the Tea Party March and Rally in Washington tomorrow, wearing my Welcome Back Carter T-shirt (photo of Dear One on it). I will file a report about the events as soon as I am able.

Trail mix...check! Sleeping bags...check!

Hey, Matt and I are leaving tomorrow morning for our annual Labor Day camping trip to Hillside Campground in northern Pennsylvania (30 miles south of Binghampton, NY).

This will be our seventh or eighth trip(?) It takes five hours driving to get there. Car food and bottled water and anticipation.

This is a gay men's campground and the setting is literally a wooded hillside of about 150 acres, gravel switchbacks cut into it; a stream and waterfall and bridge down below.

There are numerous "permanent" campers who have camping trailers, decks, patios, fireplaces, bars, big screen TV's and all manner of other comforts.

There are also other sites where guys pitch tents, cook on Coleman stoves and eat at picnic tables.

We stay on Site 60 - a group site of 20 or so tents and usually a smattering of guys we've met over the years.

There is an outdoor kitchen where Matt prepares Food Network-quality meals (this weekend's menu includes Grilled Flank Steak Pinwheels, Asian Halibut and Brown Rice Packets and Roasted Corn Quesadillas).

At night there is a disco dance and bonfire at the Rec Hall.

Cocktails have been consumed at brunch (cooked on the propane grill or stove), and naps have been taken in the afternoon.

Sunday is the USO Party with free keg beer and drag show. This is a theme party and military attire is most appropriate especially the "look" prevalent during WWII.

The nudists don't wear anything. (It's fun hanging out with them -so to speak - at the bonfire.)

So tonight's task is to move everything from inside our house into the back of my truck. We need the backseat, too (it's a 4 door Tacoma).

I better get busy.

I'll blog to you next week. Have a great Labor Day break!

DG
CO

September 8, 2009: National Indoctrination Day

Hey, I've decided to stop saying "You're not going to believe this," because once again we are presented with another "Who does he think he is?" moment.

Seems Chairman O is going to address the nation's school children (K-6, I understand), via a taped message on Tuesday September 8.

Do I have to stop saying, "No - really!" too?

The WH is poo-pooing the notion that this will be an exercise in Brain-Washing 101.

Of course that's what it is. And it's awfully damn ballsy, too.

There is NO WAY Bush 43 could have gotten away with this. You'll remember he was reading to school children in Florida during the first moments of the 9/11 tragedy. I'm certain he wasn't reading from Alinsky, Ayers, Wright, Fleger or Marx, though.

If I were a parent, I would keep my child out of school for the day. I am aware that schools have the "option" of airing the speech or not, but come on. Public schools are liberal democrat-owned and operated: they are going to show it happily and with great enthusiasm.

This doesn't end with a speech, mind you. Schools are being provided followup questionaires/worksheets for the crumb-crunchers to help further the "discussion."

How is the President asking you to help him? as an example.

Discuss, Don't Debate.

Okay, if the theme of the speech is getting kids to understand the long-term value of staying in school, what does that question have to do with not dropping out?

Nothing. Because it's once again all about Barry and his radical agenda. I will wager that Dear One is going to suggest that staying in school will somehow result in getting a good job in the "Green Industry," or Community Agitating.

How will he pull off eloquently bashing the private sector?

Will he cajole our young people into signing up for his promised Civilian Security Force? Or at least aspire to same?

During the Intermission, will the future workers be allowed to practice goose-stepping around the perimeter of the playground?


This will be a disaster with a uge-Hay acklash-Bay.


omise-Pray.

DG
CO


(Note to self: possible Blog Title: You're not going to believe this!)

New Cheap Trick Song/Vid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYit_yxRSEw&feature=player_embedded

"Sick Man of Europe"


Hey, from the new album, The Latest. Available on CD, 8 track & vinyl. http://www.cheaptrick.com/

This is a whip-cracker of a rock song, very much like late 1970's CT -- punk almost. I've always said they are best when they get back to bare basics technically and let Robin scream his guts out.

Good job, guys. Gonna get this one.

Also, they are playing this song live on Conan tonight.

OMG! Who Wants To Play A Drinking Game?

Hey, with the big day mere hours away, I thought it might be fun to stock up the fridge, settle in with some chips and dip, and watch Ole Bare give Teddy his send off.

(Full disclosure alert: I have to work tomorrow during the eulogy, so will miss the live coverage; I'll probably buy the boxed set from the NBC store when it comes out and watch it then. If nothing else it will give me a reason to drink some cold suds. I'm posting here and now so others may benefit.)

I remember the good ole days when bitter liberals everywhere would gather during President Bush's State of the Union speeches and drink themselves silly whenever he would utter xenophobic phrases like 'Islamic Terrorists,' or 'Axis of Evil.' And WORSE - WORSE! - jingoistic phrases like 'Military Victory,' and 'American Exceptionalism.'

So, in the spirit of (insert Irish Pub name), I propose a drinking game!

And what does every drinking game need?

RULES!

(I can almost hear Uncle Ted clomping down a filthy rain-soaked alley in South East DC at two in the morning, howling out some indescernable drinking song...Goosebump City!)

Here we go. Every time Dear Leader utters one of the following words, the appropriate Player(s) must do the corresponding action. For example, if Big O says 'diversity,' the rules dictate that "male Players must do a shot." Simple enough, right?

*****Speaking of diversity, I want to be fair and even-handed in my oligarchy so I'm opening up the fun to crack and pot heads, too. (There's something here for everyone!)*****

Word..................Action:

"I........................All Players take a drink of beer
LOVE.................Female Players do a shot
MYSELF............Potheads do a bong hit
SO.......................All Players do a shot/Crackheads do a line
MUCH................Male Players take a drink of beer
EYE.....................Female Players take a drink of beer
CANNOT............Crackheads do a bong hit
STAND................Potheads do a line
IT".......................All Players do a shot and chug a full beer

Kapeesh?

Now, go have fun and don't hurt anybody!


Posted by Dennis Greza, Community Organ

(Note to self: Blog post on legalization of weed.)

Tweaked

Hey, that's not only the name of a Starryville tune (www.myspace.com/starryville), but also what I did to last night's post.

Re-enjoy!

Si se puede, Father...break out the black plywood

Hey, I understand General Motors Chairman Barack Obama will be eulogizing his dearly departed friend Senator Edward M. "Teddy" Kennedy this Saturday morning at The Basilica of Our Lady of Perpetual Help in the Mission Hill section of Boston.

"Here we go again...another Apology Tour," you're whining.

Not so fast.

That would take too much time (40,000,000 Lost Souls' worth, not counting Mary Jo), and Dear Leader's ego won't permit it.

(I'm not supposed to say this, but my sources tell me the plan is to have Mr. Obama perform a late-term abortion while smoking a Marlboro Red during his speech...kind of a ratings trial balloon sent aloft for the Sunday shows to kick around. The live feed from MSNBC will be funnier, though. Keith Olbermann will be like, "Rachel, I believe that is a number two scalpel the President is using ever so gently and expertly, like the Surgeon General might do." Rachel will be like, "Oh, my God! I love the way he taps his ashes! And he's a lefty!" Chris Matthews is going pee on his own legs again, spitting, "Board shorts! - who wears BOARD SHORTS to a funeral?! Looking at his bare pecs, I'd say he worked out this morning!")

No, He of the Big Ego will say some kind words about his former colleague - how he was blah blah blah and blah blah blah - and then launch into a campaign speech selling his own vision of the Utopian Ideal (admittedly, only 47 times more radical - therefore better - than Uncle Ted's.)

If there is a God - and I know there is - there is going to be another teleprompter malfunction.

CRASH!

Cue the black plywood to fall away, exposing - gasp! - the "IHS" monogram inscribed on a pediment behind Dear Leader.

The congregants will become uneasy and anxious, for this will certainly bring an apology...

And it will:

"I'm sorry I ever let my predecessor in here to prep this place," his voice will echo and then linger a full three seconds...

Wait for it...

Wait...

"Senator Kennedy would be, too."

Without Telly the Prompter, there will be only one thing left to say:

"May a higher power bless you and all 59 United States of The Americas."




Rest in Peace, Senator Kennedy. Say 'Hi' to John-John for me.

Nascar Day at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

Hey, did you see Dear Leader - that Nascar nut - at the WH today with all those race car drivers in attendance? Right there in the Rose Garden! He spoke so knowledgeably about this uniquely American phenomenon that he probably didn't even need Telly the Prompter.

But, like a trusted blankey, it was there just in case he might slip up and say something Biden-esque.

I am wondering if, after the cameras were turned off, he dispensed bottles of calcium silicate to the guys so they could do the right thing and disable those "clunkers" they drive so fast and long and hard, needlessly exacerbating the demise of planet earth? What with that crappy gas mileage and all...

I think not. He can't alienate everyone in his first six months.

Hmmm.

Maybe at next year's "Remembering Nascar Day" the Dear One could unveil the new Presidential Limousine chase vehicle: GM's 2011 solar-powered SCRUED-U.

Yeah, probably not.

Plug pulled on Flag@WhiteHouse.gov

Hey, the new email address is Flag@I'mTellingDearLeaderOnYou!.gov

Please make a note of it.

Baghdad Robert Gibbs

Hey, does Baghdad Robert Gibbs expect us to believe that he believes the unrest occuring across the country is "not indicative" of most town hall meetings? I don't watch network news broadcasts but my sources tell me that the nightly news and morning shows (whose reporters -13 to date-have joined Dear Leader's administration), have been showcasing these events and charactarizing their participants in all manner of hyperbolic disingenuous ways.

Maybe BRG should watch a little cable news. Chris Matthews, spitting all over himself and his ever-so-fair-and-balanced guests, never ceases to amaze with his calculated condescension of the "teabaggers." (Matthews has this creepy fill-in host, Lawrence O'Donnell, but at least he's not a slobberer or spitter. He's merely creepy in a don't-leave-the-neices-or-nephews-alone- with-him kind of way.)

Rachel Olbermann and Keith Maddow (I know, I know), are literally unwatchable. I used to flip over there for a good laugh but no mas. It just wasn't funny anymore. It became deeply troublesome. Many thanks, Keith!

Maybe Mr. Gibbs has taken one too many of Dr. Obama's poison pills and he's becoming delusional.

Something else I have noticed are the signs being displayed at these town halls. All of the Acorn and union folks who are being bussed in have fresh-from-the-professional-printer signs with canned messages on them (e.g. 'We want Government-paid-for abortions! When do we want them? N.O.W.!')

The "Like-HELL-government-is-gonna-take-over-MY-healthcare" crowd shows up with homemade signs on poster board with messages written on them with colorful Sharpies (e.g. 'Michelle Malkin is hot!')

What is clearly indicative of the Obama town hall meetings is that the questions are all planted. Not surprising because we know the Administration plants questions at Dear Leader's press conferences.

When 13 year old Julia Hall "innocently" asked Dr. Obama why there were so many mean signs outside the town hall meeting, it would have been a more honest answer had he replied, "Because those people aren't allowed in here, sweetie. That's why their signs are outside."

Peace.

Specter-cle

Hey, Arlen Specter - Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute...wait a minute...wait a minute.

Now wait a minute! Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Wait a minute...wait a minute...wait a minute...wait a minute!

Wait a minute...wait a minute...wait a minute!

Wait a minute.

What a Statesman.

Channeling Hillary

Hey, as promised...

I believe Hillary will resign as Secretary of State by July 4, 2010 because she will be unable to take any more crap from the Administration. I have felt this way for several weeks but seeing her snap oh-so-unprofessionally the other day convinced me she is going to bail.

I also believe she will run against Dear Leader in 2012.

I haven't heard anyone else discuss this, so I just want to be on the record.

As you were.

Nostradennis

Hey, I will be posting a special prediction on this site tomorrow evening.

Stay tuned.

Lipstick

Hey, will someone PLEASE tell the Dear Leader that the campaign and election are over and that he won (much to the horror of increasing numbers of Americans)?

He needs to be advised that he is now the president of all the people, not just the swooning, fainting, bawling, screaming, standing-O-ing Obamatrons.

Tell him to stop campaigning, get the hell back to the White House, and stop berating ordinary Americans who are terrified by his Thugocrisy and Chicago-style politics. There is no monopoly on free speech and he needs to stop insulting us. It's jejune and un-statesman-like. Besides, doesn't he have some banks, an auto maker, an insurance company and two wars to run?

Wait a second...don't tell him yet. Since he thinks he is still campaigning I may want to reminisce about some of my favorite moments from his 946 months on the stump:

Remember that day he jokingly referred to having been to 57 states, with 2 left to go?

Or on May 27 last year when he cracked everyone up by claiming to see many "fallen heroes" in the audience attending his Memorial Day speech?

What a kidder!

We all knew he was just cutting up when he assured the world that, if his daughter made a "mistake," he wouldn't want her to be "punished with a baby."

What a joker!

That all-American basketball nut, goofing off, referred to Senator Ted Kennedy's home state as "Massatoosits." What a howl!

Well, at least he didn't insult the Special Olympians (didn't Al Gore patent that one?), or select Joe Biden as...his...running...m---

Crap.

Okay, someone tell him.

I'll be over here reliving my absolute favorite memory from the campaign: Sarah Palin stating the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom (swoon, faint, bawl, scream, standing-O).

Hillary, please call The Speaker

Hey, where is the outrage over Pelosi's claim that Republicans are showing up at town hall meetings carrying swastikas? I'd like her to provide some proof or apologize.

And all of the sudden, dissenters are "unamerican." Who does she think she is?

Even Obama claims to support "vigorous debate" (Though you'd have a difficult time proving that sophistry).

Do you recall Pelosi's outrage over Code Pink's and Cindy Sheehan's "protests" from that ditch down there in Crawford, Texas? I didn't think so.

I thought "dissent is the highest form of patriotism." Or are we just supposed to shut our mouths and pray no one turns us in at Flag@whitehouse.gov ?

Or maybe dissent is only reserved for liberals and their superior ideology? After all, isn't conservatism outdated and stale?

Hannity asked his "angry mob" callers today to adopt a mob name for themselves. Not wanting to be left out, I have chosen "Boom-Boom" for myself.

Here's my idea: Maybe we could get Hillary to call The Speaker. She could say something like, oh, I don't know... "I am sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and disagree with this administration, somehow you're not patriotic. We need to stand up and say we're Americans, and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration."

Just a thought.

Chaz

Hey, Geraldo showed 21 year old jailhouse footage of Mr. Manson...he had a mullet.

I never watch Geraldo.

Hannity

Hey, I liked Sean's interview with Don & Diedre Imus - amazing what they do for kids with cancer. Mark as potential charitable giving recipient.

I wanna see Geraldo's (BTW he needs to lay off the suntan makeup, jeez), interview with the original madman, Chuck Manson.

OMG Ann is on Geraldo...gotta go.

Reading

Hey, like I said I am reading Liberty and Tyranny (12 weeks atop the NYT BS List), but wanted to make note of books I've read/purchased over the past 12 months:
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Fay by Larry Brown (I loved Father and Son)
Anthem by Ayn Rand (re-read)
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand (still working on it!)
Guilty by Ann Coulter (lent to Brother George)

Champagne, please!

Hey, this is my maiden voyage as a blogger!

I am widely percieved to be a snob & "above it all," so it shouldn't be a surprise that I have deactivated my Face***k account. I might have to sneak back in there sometime to get some addresses, etc. however.

I spent my weekend as a bachelor and here are the highlights:
-Great bike ride Friday evening, good sweat and swim afterwards;
-Viburnums pruned, clippings bagged, a few teetering moments on the ladder;
-Bought Mark R. Levin's "Liberty and Tyranny: A Conservative Manifesto" today and had goosebumps 2 pages into it;
-Saw - by myself - The Hurt Locker at Fair City Mall. I wanted to see this movie because I heard an interview with the director and the screenwriter and was impressed with their intention of telling this story without a political narrative. It was edgy and almost impossible to watch at times because of the very graphic violence but I think important to see how some men are selfless in their pursuit of their mission. It was very real and the editing was amazing. I loved how the characters didn't have to explain ANYTHING. The story unfolded That is what I strive for in my screenplays;
-Food was consumed of course... I made pickled beets, cucumbers with viniagrete from our garden; excellent tuna salad served on whole wheat EM's (English Muffins).

Matt will return to the compound (Hyas Kullstick), tomorrow night, after a weekend in Erie, PA, attending his class reunion and visiting Mom Patty.